We need your help! You see you have been the most vocal voice on issues dealing with the moral decadence of American society, and even though you only seem to single out rappers and ignore any other genre that contributes to this erosion of “wholesome Americanism” we are going up against one of your formidable foes, Pepsi Co.

You see after you thrust them, along with yourself into the national spotlight by getting Ludacris dropped as a spokesmen for the company because he is “is demeaning just about everybody, and is peddling antisocial behavior” and becoming the new champion of the Christian Right, we figure who more befitting to spearhead the newest campaign targeting your arch nemesis Pepsi. You did say “we applaud Pepsi’s decision but there’s a bigger story here, and that is our growing trend in America to reward disgraceful behavior.” Well, as they would say in the “hood” that you claim to be so familiar with, I think they’re disrespecting your gangster son! They had the nerve to feature Ozzy Osborne in their biggest advertisement campaign, during the Super Bowl of all “All American” spectacles.

Now, knowing how you feel about “gangster” rappers promoting wholesome “All American” products like Pepsi, I know you must’ve blew your lid when you heard Pepsi tapped the world’s most famous Satanist to do their biggest ad, right? I just know we can depend on you to ride on this one. If you’re not familiar with the tenets of Satanism let me enlighten you bro, these dudes are into animal sacrifice and rampant child abuse, worse than Catholic priests.

I know Ozzy wears a cross on his show but that’s to throw you off Bill, I really feel like this is the right one for you. His influence over those children you always talk about saving is overwhelming. They thrusted him and his dysfunctional family into TV history while you were chasing Ludacris, Jay-Z and Snoop. Brilliant rating scheme might I add, but this one should take you through the roof (Fox’ top rated show vs. MTV’s top rated show).

I know, I know they tried to play the race card and talk about Britney when you attacked Luda, and you said “I don’t feel Britney Spears is a threat to the nation” but you did call on ALL Americans “to fight back and punish Pepsi for using a man who degrades women, who encourages substance abuse, and does all the things that hurt particularly the poor in our society.” While you were talking about Ludacris then, who would’ve known that argument applies to Ozzy now. I really feel this is the fight for you.

By the way, are you familiar with Ozzy’s lyrics? Let me fill you in son. In 1981 he was talking about “wine is fine, but whiskey’s quicker/suicide is slow with liquor, Take a bottle drain your sorrows, then it floods away tomorrow- “Suicide Solution”. That same year he made a song called “Mr. Crowley” in admiration for Aleister Crowley, the world renowned occultist that many refer to as “Satan” and who others called “the most wickedest man in the world”.

I know this one will tick you off... it's called “Junkie” and it's off the off of the same album: “You crave the needle to stick in your vein, can’t wait for the poison to kill all the pain. You buy a cheap ticket to take a short ride, that beautiful flower is eating your mind.” I think we got him on that one, huh Bill?

Ludacris might blow some “sticky, icky, icky, icky” and Snoop might be one with the “Chronic” but this dude [Ozzy]is clearly stoned on every episode of his show... along with his underage children! You would think you would be on the set picketing the joint! Mr. O’Reilly, I’m very disappointed in you. You slipping dog. You don’t have preferences do you? Well, I have to question that, you did run Snoop off of the Muppets but your very own network, Fox, gave him his start on “King of the Hill”, as a cartoon pimp! I know Mr. Murdoch is the check signer and you’re not trying to step on toes, but you gangster dog, what up?

You also overlooked when someone from Osborne’s ilk, Alice Cooper (Kiss) was on the Muppets trying to convince those darling puppets to sell their souls. You dismissed it on the grounds that Cooper had clown make up so that makes it less severe than Snoop? Whoa, you is slipping dog!... Wait a minute, it also says here that in 72’ Cooper dropped a joint called “School’s Out”, talking about; “School’s out for summer/School’s out forever/My school’s been blown to pieces”. At that time you were a high school teacher in Florida. And you remained mute? Damn, dog and this was decades before Columbine! Then two years later, Cooper records “Cold Ethyl” which goes, “Ethyl’s frigid as an Eskimo pie/She’s cool in bed/Well she oughta be cuz Ethyl’s dead.” And what do you say about this dude on your show? “I always thought the guy could-write pretty good songs, you know (05/03/99)”

C’mon stop the b*llsh*t, you got a dude that simulated decapitations on stage while performing, alongside a dude that bites bat heads off on stage and you reserve this kind of language for Luda; a 'dangerous' man whose message is “Look, be an outlaw. Take narcotics. Abuse people. Punch people. Hurt people.”

Slow the f*ck down partner, clearly you’re barking up the wrong tree, I think I got the candidate for your next circus, the motherf*cking OSBORNE’S, and until you find some nuts to cut the double standard bullsh*t, then SHUT THE F*CK UP! Oh yeah, I know he has friends in the White House, but with a president so hell bent on going to war with people who’ve branded him the “Great Satan”, he makes you guys look pretty bad by openly calling himself a “Devil”, just thought you should know. Well, whenever you’re ready, we got your back. Now I want to see you get on your moral high horse and ride on that!