Thought I saw you driving a Mazda mx-3

What is the meaning?
You string words together
Hoping the right combination
Makes me drop 
The panties I'm wearing.
What is the meaning of 
The combination of 
Syllables you create
When I call you on your shit
And you go back to the first time we met
Like that's gonna change the impact of the hurt
You're causing in the now
What is the meaning?
I took your mess
I'll admit even as I was in 
Healing for the prior situation 
I had let myself into
By forgiving too quickly 
N***** whose 
Middle name was getting over
I took your mess
I'll admit
Giving you what you asked
Anytime you asked
Anything you asked
Based on the strength of an attraction
That burst out from that first encounter
Turned out was just in my 
Head heart and soul
Taking your lies lies lies
Even though I knew 
As a child of God
I deserved much more than 
This lack of self love 
You were pushing on me
Disguised in sweet words
Spoken in that Haitian accent I adored
Sweet actions that
Had my heart twisted around 
Your middle finger
Had me believing 
No one would be so sweet to me
Tall me
Non-petite me
Gigantic me
Like you were ever again
What was the meaning of 
The words you spoke that night in april
After I had braided your hair in tiny tiny braids that took the whole night
What was the meaning of those calls you made
To me disturbing the space of healing
I was trying so hard to reach 
Held up only by my God and Iyanla
Who spoke to me in the morning time
And in the night time when I was creating salt water for you
What is the meaning of the sharp punch to 
The middle of my gut
That knocks my whole day off balance
And has me obsessing over
You and the way you did me
Despite the fact
That I have one who is 
Even more affectionate than you?
And shows it, 
Who supports me
And allows me to be all the parts of me
From baby to grown woman
And Honors the creative in me?
Who takes my hands and stops me from 
Beating up on me?
Help me God to ease this pain
Help me God to ease this pain
Help me God to ease this pain
What is the meaning of this madness?

Yemisi Olotu April 23 1998